It’s come to the Captain’s attention that his reviews of Heroes have been too negative, too down on his smash hit NBC show. To try and remedy this I’ll strap on my smile and get through this review with all grins blazing.

GOSH!

That’s how I can sum up tonight’s episode of Heroes! We’re getting to the last episodes of this first season and NBC is finally delivering on promises it made. Like the cheerleader, Claire! We understand now why Hiro warned Peter to “save the cheerleader” to “save the world.” All the clues were there, we just had to connect the dots! Obviously Claire’s dad being none other than Nathan Petrelli is closely connected to that plot line and probably also to the other tag line from this season, “are you on the list?” This week Claire finds out from her biological mother that her dad has money and later finds out by eavesdropping on a conversation that he wants nothing to do with her. Maybe a week ago I’d say Claire’s storyline, as trite and pointless as it were, was something -I- wanted nothing to do with but not anymore! This is gripping stuff, people!

Next we have Matt Parkman, the psychic cop. Who? Oh that’s right, we sorta forgot about him for a while huh. Well he’s back, bub, and he’s working private security because the show had no work for him the past couple weeks. He’s assigned to some fat white guy on their way to making a deal downtown. They arrive and lo and behold standing outside the jewelry store they’re heading is our favorite schizocarp Niki looking dashing and debonair in sunglasses and false character appeal. I mean strong character appeal. Matt and his client head inside and reveal the transaction is purchasing a bunch of diamonds from the jeweler for a pile of cash. All is going well until Matt’s Spideysense™ goes off and he hears the jeweler’s thoughts about Linderman’s agent coming to kill both Matt and his client. Turns out in return for springing her from the police, Linderman is requiring Niki to do his dirty work. So Matt freaks the fuck out and tells the client they need to flee like whoa and off we go on a cataclysmic date with this week’s promise: two Heroes will face off.

As is my usual caveat, no one reading this cares about spoilers so I’ll go ahead and say that this “face-off” consists of Matt handcuffing Niki to a handrail and then running, only to have her escape and come after him, throwing him out a window and killing his client. Yay NBC! That’s what I’m talking about! Hype hype hype like Bobby Brown and letting us down like Whitney. In the end Matt pockets the diamonds and sneaks off while Niki escapes and gets her next assignment: Nathan Petrelli.

Now someone at NBC must be reading this because there’s no other reason for Hiro and his hetero life partner Ando to be stuck in a revolving door of nothingness for two weeks straight. This time around they’re in Vegas and get duped into helping a con woman out in stealing a purse from the casino’s head of security. It took the entire episode to reveal that but the Captain’s in no mood for dramatics tonight. Peter and his invisible friend Groundskeeper Willy have, ironically, disappeared. No mention of them this week nor of the Haitian.

The only other storyline of note is Sylar and Apu Mohinder Suresh finally meeting face to face, even if Suresh doesn’t know it’s Sylar he’s meeting. The good doctor got a call from a potential named Zane Taylor who gets a visit from Sylar soon thereafter. Suresh arrives and Sylar, posing as Zane displays the power he recently, erm, acquired. The ability to melt solid objects. So it’s comforting to know that if the whole nemesis thing doesn’t pan out, Sylar has a solid future in liposuction alternatives. And speaking of cutting the fat, it’s time for the Captain to run. See? No negative comments about the writers being a bunch of sub-human idiots doing the work a thousand retarded monkeys could do faster and better. Nothing at all.

Just remember. Next week - someone flies, someone dies. Biggie fries.