Cloverfield was awesome. Im not giving away the storyline but we saw it friday night. We got there an hour early and waited to get good seats. The 6:00 show was over and people started coming out excited and it was packed. Our showing was packed and when we left there was a line for two other theaters. It was the busiest movie weekend I have seen since thanksgiving a few years back. The movie is shot from the perspective of a group of friends, one of them holds the camera through most of the movie. The movie never switches from that perspective. Its more done in the style of blairwitch then most hollywood movies. It was very well thought out. Even if you wanted me to explain what the creature is, i can’t. Me and my boyfriend both said we couldn’t describe the creature. We saw it yes, but we cant tell you what it is. The movie does leave a few lose ends that you’ll have to find out for yourself. There are so many things going on that you have to watch it twice to get the full idea for the story. It was great spend your money and go see it on the big screen.

Watch this show on showtime. I’ve written a little catch up and required viewing for you today.

Last season we watched as a second season unfolded into an unrealistic view of a mary j mama. nancy Botkin is a single mother who’s husband died of a heart attack while jogging. Her main cast consist of two son’s, her BFF celia, her drug supplier, and her brother in law. They are a dysfunctional group of misfits who’s fortunes unfolded in season one and unraveled into a turf war in the later half of season two. Season three finally has picked up speed since last week.

Catch up. Nancy dated a crooked dea agent who tried to steal her drugs. There were some turf war russians who were trying to steal her drugs. Then finally, there was a major thug trying to steal her drugs. Drugs are bad real bad, right ? Her oldest son silas actually does steal her drugs. It gets worse, the russians kill her dea “husband”.

Silas gets pulled over by the cops and her BFF celia. Celia has him thrown into jail. She then proceeds to drive his car, with the drugs in the trunk over to nancy’s house to confront her on her bad parenting skills. All the while, celia isn’t even aware that her best friend is the drug dealer of agrestic let alone that she is now transporting about a million dollars worth of pot.

That is the ending of season two. Watch episodes season three premiere through episode five to get fully caught up on those events. Now, back to the last few weeks. Nancy has started stalking peter’s ex-wife. She follows her while she does errands, dropping off her kid at karate practice and then finally to work. Nancy sits in front of this women’s job all day. How OBVIOUS is that ? Well nancy has some balls. After seeing her with a nurses smock she decides its time for a mammogram. We end the episode with her tit in a vice and her stalkee saying “why the fuck have you been stalking me?” it was the pivotal moment for me. After a lame ass half ending of season two it looks like this show is back on track. It is more realistic and sharper to the point like it was in season one. So we open the next episode with nancy’s tit still in a vice and this roller coaster just goes up from there.

Sanjay is funny as hell this week saying. … Because I’m a faggot I can say that but you can’t. OMFG I was laughing so hard. And mary kate’s ‘jesus wants me to sell pot’,'it’s all natural, like his love’. Does she write her own lines? Her introduction to the series scared me at first but damn she fits in like she’s been there the whole time. She’s so hippie free love, natural, ‘weed is of the earth not man-made, god made this to be enjoyed.’

We can only hope that this show will keep up its pace. The last half of the season is already starting. This is the only show that makes me smile when paying my bill for premium channels.

This review of the season premiere of Heroes will be written with no sarcasm at all. I love this show. The title of the episode is Four Months Later. For me to poop on. Sorry! Had to get that one out.

We open to Mohinder lecturing us about all sorts of wordy crap that will be repeated at least fifteen times between now and the inevitably vague and intentionally confusing season finale next year. Then it cuts to him lecturing an actual AUDIENCE and after he concludes, he is cornered by cult 1992 movie Sneaker’s Werner Brandes. His voice may be his passport but the years have not been kind to Stephen Tobolowsky. He stands around, acts creepy and then offers Suresh a job. As a girl on Deal or No Deal. “Where will you go?” he reasons, “No one even believes they exist!” Captain Obvious has it on good account that Fox Mulder does. “They don’t take you seriously, they all think you’re nuts.” Yeah, these nuts. We cut away because Tobolowsky is just wayyyy too creepy.

Elsewhere, newcomers Maya and her brother Alejandro flee a certain ambiguous fate as they continue their 800 mile journey, if exposition-heavy dialogue is anything to be believed. They run around and bring the audience up to speed on the fact that they’re wanted for murder, related and are running. Running running running. Where’s Jesse “The Body” Ventura and Richard Dawson when you need ‘em?

Hey look it’s Claire! She’s at a new school! And in California! And in 11th grade! She and her family are in hiding after mobs of fans stormed the set following the incredibly confusing and lackluster finale. Maybe we’ll be spared teenage angsty drama with corporate shilling resolutions. Nope! Claire wants a car and daddy gives her the all new 2008 Nissan Rogue that he drove her to school with! I wonder if she got options like the manual shift mode with steering wheel-mounted paddle shifters, which is available with the SL model as part of 2WD Premium or AWD Premium Packages. Or maybe the Digital Bose® audio system with AM/FM/in-dash 6-CD changer. One can only wonder or write fanfic. Captain Obvious will have to make do with this 2001 Ford Explorer Sport with premium options like Key™ and Matching Other Key™ as well as his Car Alarm That Doesn’t Work So He Had To Invite His Buddy Vince Over To Help Him Disconnect It From The Battery™. So the Captain knows exactly what lil’ Claire is going through.

OMG it is teh Hiro! The only reason to watch this show makes his grand entrance at 8 minutes in. Unfortunately it’s just a complete repeat of the end of the finale where he finds himself in 1671 Japan. He stands between his idol Kensei and a group of soldiers looking to fuck his Christmas up. The archers let loose their arrows and just before they strike Hiro, he stops time and runs away from them, only to discover Kensei has a few coming his way as well. So he does the right thing and saves his hero with his power of squinty-grimace disappearing.

Annnnnnd now we’re catching up with Matt Parkman, the dude who can read people’s minds when the plot calls for it. It appears he survived taking 3 the hard way in the finale. However, unlike most of last season, it appears he’s actually doing cop work now. But ha, ha. Joke’s on us. What appears to be a hostage situation is just a test and the only reason he passes is his special power which, of course, he can’t tell anyone about. But who cares, right? Cheating and winning is ok as long as it makes for good TV. Just let me know when this turns into good TV. Passing this test wins Parkman a detective’s badge. I think if he wins the next he unlocks a new costume. Then a new schtick. Then a spinoff show. Then death covered in hookers and blow.

So here’s the rest of the episode: Claire wishes she could do all the crap she used to back in Texas. But she’s not allowed cause her dad’s old company would snatch her if they knew where she was. So she gets to play ordinary girl. And I bet she does that the rest of the season. Just as soon as my shit turns purple and smells like rainbow sherbert. Her dad is working as a mundane employee at a Kinkos. The rest of her family? Eh, who gives a shit. The show doesn’t, neither do I.

Parkman’s taking care of Molly, the girl that can find anyone with special abilities on a map. And she’s still haunted by visions of the Boogyman, some dude who puts Sylar to shame. She has nightmares, draws reaaaaaally creepy pictures of eyes and that squiggly symbol and acts all scared of everything.

Hiro’s dad is waiting for Hiro to return to the future. Keeping Ando under his wing the elder Nakamura is secretly being stalked by some shadowy organization out to get him. Planting a picture of him with that squiggle drawn over it, he knows they’ll try and kill him within 24 hours and they succeed by the end of the episode, for whatever it’s worth. Hiro, meanwhile, finds out that his idol Takezo Kensei is actually a British white guy out to make some money in Japan. He’s a thief and a fraud, which surprises Hiro but draws such an obvious picture for everyone else watching. Gee, ya think Hiro will somehow teach Kensei to be a real hero by the end of his adventures in ancient Japan?

Nathan Petrelli, hereout known as Lothar of the Hill People is living with his mommy. Peter’s presumed death has obviously made a rough situation in the family. Angela Petrelli gets the same treatment as Hiro’s dad with the picture and squiggle but she avoids death this episode. And you get a feeling she’ll be around for quite a while.

The job Werner Brandes offers Mohinder is with “the Company.” Yes, the very same compay that used to employ Claire’s dad and hunts down mutants. Will he help the enemy? Oh the drama!

Our new heroes Maya and Alejandro continue their journey to America, hoping to find a cure for Maya’s power which evidently kills people. They get smuggled a bit north but aren’t quite there yet. Geez, I’ve never seen so much setup for non-White people. I hope this is a trend, I prefer subtitles to listening to actual words. I also like my food pre-chewed.

And lastly, Peter, Peter Petrelli. Discovered in Ireland by some soccer hooligans chained and bound inside a freight container. They try and beat him, he blasts one with a fireball but then succumbs to their accents and fists. They ask who he is and DUN DUN DUN… he doesn’t know! Wacky hijinks are in store for us, I’m sure.

And that, as they say, is that. I hate season premieres. So much exposition, so much setup and no payoff. It’s like a box of Cracker Jacks with no prize. And such is the same as Heroes. Months and months of mental masturbation with just a little dribble at the end. Stay tuned next week for more big surprises like, “Who killed Nakamura?” “How did Peter end up in that cargo container?” and “Why do people think we’ll find the answers to any of these questions when it’s not sweeps week or the season finale?” Why indeed.

What does a bitchy, androgynous, red state, southern fag and a post preggo, post rehab, hair shaving, divorce, vma tragedy, britney spears have in common ? Apparently enough to get some media blitz from the likes of Seth green, over 10 million hits on yourtube.com, and rumors of a TV deal. Imitation is the best form of flattery from jay leno and Seth green, from you tube to possibly our TV he is worse than Perez Hilton. What is it with these uneducated bitchy fags that get them hits deals and attention? Who in their right mind would sign up to be on a gay pride flag with either of these misguided, desolate, angry fags ? Yes I’m queer and angry and call things how I see them but I’m not performing my emotions for my favorite pop star on youtube.com. This “gay freak of the week” is wearing mascara eye liner, two shades of redneck bottle blond, lipstick and maybe even some blush crying his eyes out that the world is talking down on the pop princess over her recent months of antics. Besides shouting at someone who proclaims to his grandmother on his video “i know some psychology” some being the operative word in his sentence. It takes him about eight minutes yelling at his provider to get his point across before I say to myself. What the fuck is wrong with this kid ? He is more then attention starved. Who raised this kid ? He is definitely in need of some therapy and help from the gay community to get out of his entrapment called his life. He also needs someone who understands being young and queer and stuck in the middle of nowhere. Yes, he reached out the only way he could but at the same time, learn some class, quickly.He has a point why are we all picking on britney. Latest news from her bodyguard is that she tried to commit suicide. Twice. What about Owen Wilson what is going on with his life that he was pushed over the edge? Isn’t that always the beginning of the coming out of the closet phase ? What is happening to our society that even those who crave attention and spotlight for a living are getting pushed over the edge? Oh, and yes, I have a few terse words for the britney fiasco known as her life but you’ll have to read that at popassault.com

I’m not a big fan of perez hilton or his lack of some things. But, I’m not trying to start a fire. He acts a bit like he has a good head on his shoulders but for Chris Crocker instead of a tv deal get him some intervention or ridilan. A college education, so he can express himself while not in a manic state. He is opinionated, who isn’t ? That could be entertaining, but I really think he’s reaching out for help while money may improve his life I seriously doubt he has enough material to make people tune in. If you want to give someone a show ask rupual I heard she has some free time. Now where the hell are my kathy griffin tickets ? At least I can laugh at her without the feeling I’m watching a train wreck.

Did you see these two making it to the final two? I thought rocks arrogance and jens lack of confidence would boot them off a long time ago. I was rooting for line cook julia to show them all up. Shes the melinda doolittle of top chef. She can’t believe she actually has talent and has a neck to neck race until shes booted off. This week rock mixed  hrimp and friend chicken for his show me what you got finale dinner menu? Who mixes fish and chicken in one main course? Its as bad as the other show top chef where huang is putting vegetables and such in ice cream. They both are acting like hot shots not thinking that other people have to taste their dishes, and like them. Jennifer is nice, can demand from a team. Rock is arrogant and abbrasive. I hope jen is the winner this season since we can’t root for julia.

So this weeks quick fire was to make their own original mixin for coldstone ice creeam. Yeah! Lets get fruit, chocolate, crunchy textures. Thus should be easy! Right? Wrong! Micah said a few episodes ago, I was not raised on junk food, and comfort food… Haung has stated he came from a traditional asian family. When did he have ice cream with vegetables in it? Is this a new blend coming to stores near you? I think not. Even ben and jerrys knows where to draw the line. Also, did he taste his stuff? Did he enjoy it? I was rooting for dale since he is from chicago and a fellow homo. Woot! Woot! Yummy apple crisp on ice cream. I would love that. It would have been an ode to last season if it would have been “apple brown betty”. It was cool to see him and saras relationship but only to be let down when she got kicked off. Even in reality tv show things are left in for a reason. I should have seen that coming. Dale was happy to win a challenge and get immunity. For the first time since I can remember that ment he didn’t have to participate in the elimination challenge.

The elimination challenge was they were spit into two teams and were required to make ate night snacks fo the bar crowd.